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  • Writer's pictureDAJ

Learn to Lose the Perfectionism

Updated: Apr 25, 2023

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it’s the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill



Perfection plagues me. It has plagued me my whole life. I’ve made some mistakes recently and did not use self-compassion; I shamed myself into change instead of loving myself into change. I would tell myself, my ankle isn’t healing fast enough, you said the wrong thing to someone in pain, you didn’t feed the animals their lunch until 5 p.m. What is wrong with you? That kind of self-talk was not helpful It is not how I would talk to anyone so why do I treat myself that way?


I heard a lecture today where they said perfection is a mask for fear. Maybe fear of failure, I certainly knew that, but they were saying perfection can also mask many other fears, fears we may not even realize we are having. Fear carried over from previous trauma, that still registers in our bodies. When our body starts to feel fear, by a tightening of the stomach or clenching of the jaw, it has sent a signal to us that we need to be perfect or we are in danger.


We are potty training our adorable puppy Frankie. It is going slowly. My husband has told me does it matter if Frankie makes a mistake, does it change the way you feel about her? The answer of course is no. So have some self-compassion and try to realize mistakes happen Frankie and I are both amazing no matter what!.


Perfectionism is a habit formed out of fear. Therefore, become aware of what you are afraid of, and don’t let it control your life. Stay present in the moment, don’t live in the past or the future, and perfectionism will slowly dissipate. I’m willing to give it a try.


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