“What you think you become. What you feel you attract. What you imagine you create.” Buddha
I’ve had a difficult couple of weeks to put it mildly. The pain was terrible, the nausea was terrible, my inability to think was overwhelming and just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore I woke up the next day and realized that I could and I would because I had another day of it. I searched for my resilience but it seemed lost in a black hole, a region of space time exhibiting gravitational acceleration so strong that nothing can escape from it. All seemed lost.
I did what I do when all seems lost to me; I reached for a book and I read. I wanted to be lost in someone else’s reality, but I couldn’t read because of the pain, so I took an idea from my son and listened to the book. I was prepared to get lost, to find some healing, instead I found myself getting annoyed. It was a memoir, the person writing, was a person of privilege, who lost all her privilege but still had more than most. She complained throughout until I couldn’t take it any more. Finally, I said to myself, “You don’t have to listen to her. Just turn the book off already.”
It made me think though, The only thing I had done the last few weeks was complain. It made me wonder if my husband wanted to turn me off. My focus had been completely on what I lost, just like the girl in the book. I forgot to look at what I still had. I forgot to be grateful for everything I was still able to enjoy and love. Maybe I wasn’t getting what I wanted but that didn’t mean I had nothing. The gratitude I felt enabled me to see past the black hole, it enabled me to see my lost resiliency skills. It helped me move forward to healing.